Swallowing Abyss

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” 

― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

There have been... Certain things in my mind right now. In the midst of a three-week school vacation, I find myself spending more time with my family. Like with every holiday, with every precious moment spent with them, I bring myself closer to experience unforgettable and regretful feelings.

Why, you may ask. Why ever would you say something so absolutely horrid about your family?

It's extremely simple, I have an extremely dysfunctional relationship with them. I get treated the way I do for more than ten long years. Do I make them sound like your regular abusive family? Why, yes. Yes, I do. But, you won't be looking for physical bruises and wounds. I bare the emotional and psychological wounds like a shield, proud of all the wear and tear it's been facing in a long, unending war.

Tears from a silent soul.
Photo credit: http://www.bubblews.com/assets/images/news/360685234_1377400197.jpg

I have felt really dark emotions and feelings: contempt, disdain, despair, mediocrity, worthlessness, uselessness and helplessness because of my family or because of their contributions to it.

In the end, I think this post is about a little 18 year old girl seeking salvation or asylum from people who don't love her unconditionally as she needs, neither do they give her the support she wants and really, all she wishes is to be free.

These emotions are now coiling in a black mass in the girl's soul. How can she unravel them? How can she get rid of them? How can she take away all the pain she's felt?

With each day passing, as the time continues its march, the little girl slowly feels herself weakening, her walls crumbling and maybe, 10 long years of vigil against the darkness may slowly swallow her whole instead.

What meets her at the end of the darkness?

Salvation or incarceration?