Swallowing Abyss

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” 

― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

There have been... Certain things in my mind right now. In the midst of a three-week school vacation, I find myself spending more time with my family. Like with every holiday, with every precious moment spent with them, I bring myself closer to experience unforgettable and regretful feelings.

Why, you may ask. Why ever would you say something so absolutely horrid about your family?

It's extremely simple, I have an extremely dysfunctional relationship with them. I get treated the way I do for more than ten long years. Do I make them sound like your regular abusive family? Why, yes. Yes, I do. But, you won't be looking for physical bruises and wounds. I bare the emotional and psychological wounds like a shield, proud of all the wear and tear it's been facing in a long, unending war.

Tears from a silent soul.
Photo credit: http://www.bubblews.com/assets/images/news/360685234_1377400197.jpg

I have felt really dark emotions and feelings: contempt, disdain, despair, mediocrity, worthlessness, uselessness and helplessness because of my family or because of their contributions to it.

In the end, I think this post is about a little 18 year old girl seeking salvation or asylum from people who don't love her unconditionally as she needs, neither do they give her the support she wants and really, all she wishes is to be free.

These emotions are now coiling in a black mass in the girl's soul. How can she unravel them? How can she get rid of them? How can she take away all the pain she's felt?

With each day passing, as the time continues its march, the little girl slowly feels herself weakening, her walls crumbling and maybe, 10 long years of vigil against the darkness may slowly swallow her whole instead.

What meets her at the end of the darkness?

Salvation or incarceration?

Attainable Introspection

I suppose... That this represents me.
Photo Credit: http://photos.foter.com/164/schopfung_l.jpg

I'm Iris. I'm 18 years old and I believe this would be a form of release for me. This blog is inspired by the eloquence that my twin brother and best friend has put to his own blog. Likewise, I believe and (maybe) hope that this will form a sort of introspection, a sort of unraveling for my emotions, thoughts, beliefs, experiences and values.

Maybe, what I hope for is that... After looking back at this blog from the beginning, I see a change and I would bloom from a small egg into a free flown bird.

What would I feel from seeing the things around me? What would I think from experiencing them? What would I think from not experiencing them?

Essentially, I think this quote helps,

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For,
May your arms Never Tire.”
― D. Simone

To all those who read this, I hope that in the new years and new beginnings ahead, our hearts will embrace Feeling and may all wounds forever become part of our Wisdom.

Let us all start anew, fresh and full of purpose once more.